7.3.09

psa for boys



Here is some advice for boys who want to date girls: Ask girls out on dates.

We rarely say no to a first date when the asking is done properly.

And if you want to ask properly, you just have to follow a few simple rules.

First, use the telephone. Texts, email, gchat, etc. are all too informal and, honestly, a little wimpy. I suppose asking in person is fine, but this makes everyone a little anxious. The phone is better because it shows you were thinking of your girl even when she’s not around.

Second, use this simple formula:
A [I was wondering if you would like to]
B [ have dinner]
C [with me]
D [at Gemma]
E [on Tuesday night]?

Part A - You must pose the question in an interested and hopeful manner. Possible substitutions include [I was hoping you would like to] and [I would like it if you would].

Part B - The possibilities are endless. Just make sure that you have a destination and activity in mind. The activity should be something that both you and she will enjoy and should be conducive to conversation. First dates should rarely involve sitting in silence, so movies and theater are best saved for later dates when maybe she’ll let you hold her hand. Possible substitutions include [have drinks], [go out for coffee], [eat pie], [go on a picnic], [go for a walk], [go see an exhibit], [tango]. Never say [hang out], [do something], etc.

Part C - You must say it these words. This lets the girl know that this is a date. This is not a group activity, and she will be spending time with you alone There are no substitutions.

Part D - Having a specific plan is thoughtful, and it shows that you are serious about wanting to spend time with the girl. You should, however, be flexible. If, for example, you suggest going out for sushi, but the girl explains that she is allergic to rice, you may want to use a backup plan. Possible substitutions include [at Verlaine], [at Joe’s Coffee], [in Central Park].

Part E - Having a specific day in mind helps to ensure that you will make solid plans with the girl. If, for example, you ask to have dinner [next week some time], you run the risk of pushing the plan-making process to a later date. You should be flexible, but offering a specific day will give a starting point. Possible substitutions include [on the 3rd], [this weekend].

After the girl has, no doubt, said yes. You can work out details such as time and where you will meet.

When in doubt about what to say to a girl you want to date, pretend you are asking out a girl on a 1950’s television program. You will appear thoughtful and endearing. And it is ok to be nervous! That quiver in your voice is charming. Take pity points when you can get them.

Best of luck.



~beatrix



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15 comments:

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

I totally agree-- though I am decidedly NOT a phone person, so that part wouldn't go over well with me. :) In person or email are your best bet for this lady.

I cannot TELL YOU how many boys I've known who clearly, obviously, no-doubt-about-it wanted to date me, but simply COULD NOT get up the nerve to ask me straight out. They would hem and haw, send me endless pointless email, and trail me around like a puppy at parties, but they would never just look me in the eye and say, "Yo, girl. I dig you. Would you like to have dinner with me this weekend?"

And so it went, on and on and on. The stupid thing is that in most cases, I was undecided enough that I would have said yes to a date, if asked. But after months and years of the puppy-dog thing? Your chance has passed.

And before someone says, "Why does the girl have to do the asking?" it's because-- in these situations-- I wasn't crazy-go-nuts about the BOY, he was crazy-go-nuts about ME. So I had no motivation to do the asking, but I would have been happy to give him a chance if he'd had the balls to ask me.

So-- thanks for writing this!

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

And by "why does the girl have to do the asking" I meant "why does the BOY". Duh. :)

harper & beatrix said...

the thing is, we almost never say no. i can think of very few times when a boy asked me on an actual date and i said no. and even then i had very substantial reasons-- like i had a boyfriend.

~b

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Exactly-- in fact, I'll rarely even say no to a second date, unless the first date was just horrific. Even a mediocre first date will usually earn a second change. Third date is often my cut-off if I'm still not feeling it.

Point is: You have more of a chance than you think.

So@24 said...

Great post B.

I also like this twist on it,

Here is some advice for girls who want to date boys: Ask boys out on dates.

Yessssssss

betsy said...

point taken, SO.

~b

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

SO -- I totally ask people out when I like them first! But if someone likes me before I've decided if I like them, there's no reason for me to do the asking. And, for me, this is the situation in 9 times out of 10 cases-- my crushes are few and far between.

Elwood said...

"Hey, would like like to do something and hang out sometime next week?" Is totally something I've said (possibly on multiple occasion). And, yes the answer was no.

Thanks for the tips!

musiclover647 said...

Telling her she has cooties, pouring glue in her hair and poking her doesn't work?

harper & beatrix said...

musiclover647, that is always a good start. this is just for when you need to seal the deal

~b

just me said...

If a guy asked me out on a date that involved pie - I'd know I had finally found my husband.

harper & beatrix said...

haha. that was actually a real life example.

even though it went more like "do you want to go eat pie right now?"

and i really really wanted to see the boy, but i had just eaten an entire pizza by myself.

i had to suffer through that pie.

~b

pistols at dawn said...

Eh, the last "date" I went on involved a girl saying, "Let's get that drink you owe me." I respected her tenacity and her desire to drink. And also her being hot.

Dallas said...

This is awesome. It needs to be posted in a guy magazine or something. I wonder if it would work for my husband asking me out on date nights...minus the phone thing. :)

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Asking girls out is important. However, girls should also not say yes if they want to stay "friends," ha.