boy rats and girl rats

John starts with, “I have a question.” so you know it’s gonna be good.

“Woman troubles,” he explains.
He laughs, “Yeah. . . I can’t figure this broad out. That’s where you come in.”

He explains how he thought everything was great-- he made her dinner, everything was perfect, he took her out to breakfast the next morning. Now she suddenly won’t make plans.

I’m sorry John’s having girl trouble, but secretly, I love it when boys act like girls.

I immediately lay out what John calls “advanced tactics”: Step one- calm down; step two- make plans with someone else before Saturday; step three- be excited, but don’t be aggressive. . . . But I stop myself because this is the old Beatrix.

“You know what? I have all these rules. But I’ve been trying to tell myself this lately, too: you should do whatever feels right and whatever is honest.”

I surprise myself, like the day I told Sam not to lead a boy on and he looked at me with an open mouth.

This is my new leaf.

John gets new information that the girl in question is mean to her friends when they talk to him. (Did I mention that she’s 22.5 years old?)

“So maybe your advice is correct! I should find another girl to hang out with!”

That was not what I said or what I meant.

“I just need to talk to other girls in front of her. . . I’ll be fine. . . Maybe get caught giving a shoulder rub of some kind to another girl. . . I can see it now.”

Again, definitely not what I meant.

But I tell him, “I read in National Geographic once that girl rats like boy rats who smell like other girl rats. And I was like, this isn’t news. Those scientists just need to watch The Bachelor.”


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pistols at dawn said...

You can make that analogy because you're a lady - if we tried, some girl would just hit us for comparing her to a rat.

betsy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GreenCanary said...

*snort* Oh holy hell, that just made my day :-)

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...


it's true.

something that i've found works surprisingly well for me-- when someone quietly lets me know that they're into me, and keeps letting me know, but doesn't DEMAND things from me or GUILT me or HARASS me.

just lets me know that they're there.

there's something so comforting in that and that comfort can seduce me.

few people manage it though. most people are too impatient, or too fickle.