it's always good to have a plan

We’re sitting beside each other, sipping smoothies.

“I’m going to show her,” he tells me. “She keeps making excuses, but I’m going to call her bluff. I’m going to keep asking her out, and then, if she says yes, I’m going to say no.”

“Very mature.” I tell him, and take another sip. “And anyway, if she said yes, you’d go out with her.”

His laugh is a single note. Because it’s true.



~beatrix

just saturday

I had things to do when I left Gyan’s Saturday morning, but not urgent things.

So while I’m lounging around in bed, I get a message from Christophe:

“Hi, Beatrix. Can we talk? I don't want you to be upset with me. I'm sorry.”

In a way I’m flattered that he thinks I’m such a prude that I’d be offended by his grampa cheek-kiss. I wonder what he’d think of me if he had any idea what happened last night at Gyan’s.

And then I feel terribly guilty. Cooper reassured me that it was better to just let him think it was the kiss, to let him have a reason so he could just move on. But I don’t want to scar the boy into never kissing a girl on the cheek again.

I don’t know what to do, but I do what I always do when things are hard: think about something else. I meet up with my boss, run an errand at the Plaza, talk to a boy and set up a date for Sunday, and go to Barnes and Noble to sit on the floor with Pete.

Pete would be a recurring peripheral character on the Harper and Beatrix Show. As I’m having trouble with a desperate and needy boy, Pete’s being one. I read a few million lines of a chat he had with some girls he’s crazy over and try to tell him gently that he needs to calm down a little and not scare the girl away.

He knows, though, and the conversation turns to more Overheard-in-New-York-worthy topics. Pete once slept with a girl on a first date after they played hangman. And, unsolicited, he’s trying to help his pretty friend make extra money by hiring her out as a wingwoman. His Craigslist ad is brilliant, and has already gotten two responses. I’m laughing so hard, I seriously hope other people are enjoying this conversation.

“You want cookies?” he asks me.

We have some pre-dessert dumplings, then head to Milk Bar. I’m not feeling great, so he won’t let me touch the cookies we get. Instead he breaks them all and gives me halves.

“You realize the kind of relationship it looks like we have, don’t you?”

Before I go in the subway, he asks me when my next date is.

“Tomorrow at 12. No plan-- I’m just supposed to meet him in Union Square. The real question is should I go hungry or full?”

He assures me that there will be food since the date is at prime brunch time, but advises me to eat something small (he suggests a yogurt) before I go.

~beatrix

christophe

I got of the train a stop early so I could swing by the good pizza place on my way home. I was so hungry it hurt.

The date was fine. We’d planned brunch for Sunday, but when I mentioned wanting to see Coraline, he said we could go then, Saturday night. Which was cool because I wanted to see it so much, but you should never go to the movies for a first date.

Before the date, I was trying to explain to Hugo why I didn’t have high hopes.

“He’s too interested. And he’s doing things like telling me I’m pretty.”

It sounds crazy, and I realize I might be a bad person.

He’s an economist. And he was wearing a (completely non-ironic) cardigan. And he’s nice.

On my way home with my pizza, I sort of hope that he won’t call.

But by 10:30 on Sunday morning he’s asking if I want to have brunch anyway.

“You had to choose one or the other, remember?”

But he tells me that he thinks I’m cute and that he’d really like to see me again. And that even though he’s not sure he made it clear, he’s looking for more than friendship.

Dude, I figured it out.

So he suggests dinner on Tuesday. Fine. In his neighborhood or mine. Or he can cook dinner at his place. I tell him I’d feel better going out, and that my dad would feel better about it, too. I might have to use that line again.

I want a boy who is honest and sincere and crazy about me. But if I want all of that, then why is it so unattractive when they act like this?

I could never put it into words, but the internet has taught me a strange and disturbing concept: alpha versus beta.

I am a bad, bad bad person.

~beatrix

p.s. Now that i think about it, I was wearing a cardigan, too. Mine was neither nerdy nor ironic, just preppy and adorable.