i'm, like, so smart

“No, it’s that one,” he says, pointing at the knob on the right.

I drink tap water. Besides being free, it’s good for me and the environment. It doesn’t get carted all over the country, guzzling gas. It doesn’t spend ages in plastic bottles that can leach into the water itself. New York City tap water even tastes good-- better than most bottled water and even filtered water that’s been sitting in a plastic jug.

When I fill my glass from the tap, I run the water for a few seconds to clear any sediment that may have collected, and sometimes I feel the water to make sure it is running as cold as possible. Then I very briefly turn off the tap so that the water doesn’t get on the side of my glass before turning it back on to fill it up.

I’ve thought it all through. In fact, I’ve thought most things through. I’m actually quite smart. I haven’t been tested since I was 5, but I’m above the 95th percentile, IQ-wise. I was my high school’s valedictorian and didn’t pay tuition in college. I graduated summa cum laude, my GPA was a 3.905 (thanks to one B+ I got in Modern French Drama), and I’m Phi Beta Kappa.

And in much the same way that boys are always grabbing the back of my shirt assuming I’m going to walk into traffic, this boy is telling me which knob will produce cold water.

Geez. Why does everyone assume I’m so helplessly dumb?


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xx Nicky said...

I often find myself saying "Oh its ok, I'm a tap girl" when someone offers me a Poland Spring from the fridge. People seem weirded-out by this. I always want to remind people that a lot of money goes into cleaning up and fortifying tap water, but your argument about gas spent hauling all of those bottles just got bumped to the top of my list.

The Brooklyn Boy said...

After they put flouride in the water supply, my mom won $50 by coming in third in a city-wide school limerick contest on the subject.

Also, perhaps they were cross-marked?

wendy said...

Must be because you're pretty - a girl can't be both pretty and smart you know! ;) lol

Anonymous said...

It's because boys like to think they're smarter than us...when really, we just let them think that. Because if not, they would turn into really big sissies with 'man issues.'

harper & beatrix said...

they weren't cross-marked, and i'm not quite pretty enough to get away with not knowing the hot tap from the cold one.


Erin said...

Here in my city the tap water, if ingested over an extended period of time, leaves yellow stains on the teeth. It smells of sulfur and tastes equally as bad. I find myself flinching when I see people fill a glass with tap water on my travels. I forget that the rest of the world has drinkable water.

harper & beatrix said...

I think this is a good example of women wanting it both ways. Of course you want men to know that you are smart and capable of caring for yourself, but on the other we complain that chivalry is dead.

Ok, telling you which one is cold water is not exactly chivalry, but you know what I mean.

Maybe he's not very bright and it took him a long time to figure it out?


Princess Pointful said...

I hate when I do remarkably dumb things, like being unable to find the light switch for the overhead light on a plane. I feel like I want to wave my credentials in their faces-- I really am smart, dammit!
(and I got the dreaded single B+ in first year... blast!)

Dash said...

we like to be noticed as attempting to be chivalrous. Girls no days don't always give you that chance. Traffic and opening doors is about all we have left.

Really what he should have done is get the water for you...