If you want to be my boyfriend, there are a few things you should probably know. Like I will flip out if you touch the bottoms of your shoes. For most of my teenage years I’d listen to Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough” on repeat whenever I was lonely or sad about a boy, and I still think it’s possibly the best relationship advice a boy can find. I will say, “Look, I made you a present,” and I’ll give you a picture I drew of something like a cupcake in a mirage with tumbleweeds blowing by on what is essentially a piece of trash, but you should pretend you like it. Sometimes I’ll break down on Friday nights for no reason.

And sometimes, panicked, I’ll ask you,

“Is tomorrow Thursday?”

I might even wake you up to ask you.

And you’ll say,

“Well, yesterday was Tuesday, and today is Wednesday. So, yes, that means tomorrow should be Thursday.”

Because you are patient. And all-around lovely.

You won’t ask questions. And it wouldn’t matter because I’ll already be asleep. So you’ll just hold me for a little, thinking about how lucky you are.


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foolishxlady said...

I freak out when people touch the bottoms of their shoes too (then again I have OCD).

GreenCanary said...

I see nothing wrong with flipping out over shoe-bottom-touching. You know where those shoes have been? In PUBLIC RESTROOMS, that's where. 'Nuf said.

Baglady said...

I have never thought much about the bottom of people shoes but now I think I shall. So wrong.

LiLu said...

Why would ANYONE ever touch the bottom of their shoes?!? Don't they know they've been, um, EVERYWHERE?!

I can't even touch my FEET if I've been wearing flip flops. Gross.

Elwood said...

I glanced too quickly and at first thought you wrote "touch your bottoms". Ah, yes bottom of shoes... I never realized how gross it can be!

sara said...

I love this post so very much.