Thank you for the Valentine’s Day card and for the enclosed ten dollars. You will be happy to know that I used it to get snockered [sic] with my coworkers. Absolutely snockered [sic] on lychee martinis. Do you know what a lychee is, Grandma? Me either, but I’m pretty sure it’s Chinese or something.
Anyway, the buzz is great, so I’m going to call this boy I like. I know you’ve given up on my ever getting married, but I have hope yet. And I think this guy might have potential, even though you’ll be sorry to know that he’s Hindu. So we'll have lots of heathen babies who believe in hundreds of gods, one of whom even has eight arms.
Thanks for your contribution to my courage fund, Grandma.
Happy Valentine’s Day, and lots of love,
[Note: This letter was written when I was still quite drunk from those martinis. It was about 8:45 pm; this is what happens when I go out with my coworkers. (By the way, I know a great happy hour on the Lower East Side, if you are interested. I spent more than the $10 mentioned in my drunk letter, but not much.) This letter was not actually sent to my grandmother. Also, I knew what a lychee looked like in my drink, but I wikipedia-ed it, and now I know what the tree looks like, too. (And it is Chinese.) ~ sober beatrix]