karma: net zero

I didn’t just abandon the plot line; I ignored a real boy.

During the whole kissing moratorium, things were going great with the being honest. I stopped blowing off the teacher and just told him that I didn’t think it was going anywhere. I stopped using the chubby boy as an activity, and I told him that I needed a break. It was liberating.

But Sandeep called a few times when I was with Ted, so of course I didn’t answer. And I didn’t call him back. And then one afternoon he called while I was by myself, and it just seemed too hard. So I let it keep ringing.

I guess I’ve disappeared from his life. The same way Gyan disappeared from mine.

That’s the thing I hate most about all of this: The coming and going and going forever.


~beatrix