17.3.10

sob story

The thing is. . . I don’t mind so much when he turns away from me in his sleep. It’s a new sensation-- not feeling neglect or anger or why-doesn’t-anyone-ever-love-me when I wake up to face a back. But this. . . this feels. . . good.

I used to think maybe I’d never be able to make something like this work. The more I liked a boy, the crazier I’d act, and the faster it would blow up in my face. I just wanted to find a boy who made me a person I liked.

It turns out crazy-girl is sort of my natural state of being, but maybe that’s not the worst way to be.

I’m not a pretty crier. My skin gets even paler and contrasts my black eyebrows and soggy eyelashes; the white parts of my eyes turn red which makes the irises look sickly light; and this night my nose was pink and my eyelids were swelling closed because this had been going on for hours.

I was having a tough day/week/life, you know? But I was also just being a brat.

“You’ll have to try harder than this,” he said, all matter-of-fact, “if you want me to run away.”

~beatrix

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4 comments:

Sophie said...

Oh. My. God. He's a keeper.

Lauren said...

I agree. I just love this blog and I love love this story of your life.

Emma said...

I agree, with Sophie. Definitely a keeper. Where can I find one??

Logan Lo said...

Nice work - I agree with the ladies.

I'm glad you have a port in the storm.

www.loganlo.com