crush

I went shopping with Sam, and he bought a jacket and fell in love.

The salesboy had Williamsburg glasses and a Minnesota face, and he was extra helpful. Then, after he handed Sam back his credit card, he said:

“We’re all night! I mean. . . We’re all set. . . . Have a good night.”

And of course Sam was smitten, but didn’t realize it until after we left the store, so we had to find out the boy’s name from the receipt.

Now he keeps pretending the store is on his way home and walking past it. There’s been a fair amount of plotting and scheming how to make something happen.

If I had to wager, I’d bet he never talks to the boy again. After all, it’s much easier to keep loving someone you never know.

~beatrix

the anti-formula

“Did he try to seduce you?”
“If he did, he didn’t try very hard.”


Me and Pete were walking in the park on Friday after work and had stopped to sit on a bench and watch the rollerbladers.

“He just said that he had wine and beer at his place, but I said I had to go home. If you want to hook up on a third date, you can. You just have to go on a datey-date. You know, order a bottle of wine and stuff. Make sure it’s not too late. . . .”

There’s a proven formula for the hook-up date, if you’re one to do things with a system.

Pete’s not.

“Maybe I should try that. I usually just try to distract them.”

~beatrix

boy rats and girl rats

John starts with, “I have a question.” so you know it’s gonna be good.

“Woman troubles,” he explains.
“Already?”
He laughs, “Yeah. . . I can’t figure this broad out. That’s where you come in.”

He explains how he thought everything was great-- he made her dinner, everything was perfect, he took her out to breakfast the next morning. Now she suddenly won’t make plans.

I’m sorry John’s having girl trouble, but secretly, I love it when boys act like girls.

I immediately lay out what John calls “advanced tactics”: Step one- calm down; step two- make plans with someone else before Saturday; step three- be excited, but don’t be aggressive. . . . But I stop myself because this is the old Beatrix.

“You know what? I have all these rules. But I’ve been trying to tell myself this lately, too: you should do whatever feels right and whatever is honest.”

I surprise myself, like the day I told Sam not to lead a boy on and he looked at me with an open mouth.

This is my new leaf.

John gets new information that the girl in question is mean to her friends when they talk to him. (Did I mention that she’s 22.5 years old?)

“So maybe your advice is correct! I should find another girl to hang out with!”

That was not what I said or what I meant.

“I just need to talk to other girls in front of her. . . I’ll be fine. . . Maybe get caught giving a shoulder rub of some kind to another girl. . . I can see it now.”

Again, definitely not what I meant.

But I tell him, “I read in National Geographic once that girl rats like boy rats who smell like other girl rats. And I was like, this isn’t news. Those scientists just need to watch The Bachelor.”


~beatrix