psa for girls

Ted knows my trick: learn one sports fact every six months or so, and use it when meeting boys.

“You should learn the triangle offense,” he tells me.
“Are you telling her how to pick up guys?” His brother and his room mate are confused.

“It would be enough that I know the triangle offense exists,” I explain. “I could learn something way easier, like the infield fly rule.”

Ted’s brother and room mate can’t remember that one, so I explain.

“See?” I conclude. “So if we were in a bar, I could have just started this conversation with three boys. It works.”


So girls, you should try this. A very little bit of effort can go a long way. Boys are likely to give you little credit in this arena, so knowing the tiniest sports morsel will earn you major points, and, most importantly, will work as an icebreaker.

For at least six months I used that World Cup final head butt. And I used winning my NCAA Tournament brackets over two years ago for even longer than that. (In fact, I used it with Ted.)

Even less sporty sports facts will work:

Football? I once hung out with a guy who plays for the Steelers now.

Baseball? Bought scalped tickets in a bar / bowling alley for a Yankees game.

Golf? My dad kinda looks like Davis Love, III.

Hockey? My favorite penalty is icing because it reminds me of cake.

It’s best not to learn too much because, while boys think they want to date a girl who appreciates sports, they still want to be the experts.

So good luck. And remember, the best resource for sports facts is boys themselves.

~beatrix

p.s. Sorry boys, learning girly facts will not help you meet girls.

psa: nola love

You should go to New Orleans. I promise you will love it.

You’ll love the way the air is always thick. And the way the sidewalks are all broken in every direction, and you’ll love the million-year-old oak trees that made them that way. You’ll love the way you can just pop into some divey bar to use the bathrooms while your friends wait in line to go to the real bar and how while you’re there you can pick up one drink and three beers for $11 and they’ll pour it all in plastic cups so you can bring it out on the street with you. And you’ll love the food, no matter what you’re eating.

You’ll love that it’s always a party. You’ll love the ghost-faced bum on the sidewalk who does nothing but wish you well. And you’ll love the ghost-faced shotgun houses on the side streets, not just the wedding cake ones on St. Charles. You’ll love the way there’s still something getting started at 4 a.m. and how it’s ok to have a drink and some fried seafood no matter what time you wake up.

You’ll love the street names you can’t pronounce; you’ll love Tchopitoulas and Freret and Carondelet. And you’ll love the couple, still on the sidewalk of the bar you left hours ago, bickering and pausing only to make out and share sips of what you imagine, at 10:45 a.m., to be a very warm, very stale Bud Light. You’ll love cab drivers who take off without asking where you’re going because they need to tell you their stories so badly. And you’ll love the comfortable shabbiness of it all.

You might even love the way the water from the cold tap is lukewarm at best or how it could rain at any time or the way your hair smells that forgotten, actual bar smell the morning after.

New Orleans isn’t all Mardi Gras and hurricanes; it’s the best city in the country. And it still needs us. You should go.

~beatrix

psa for boys

Here is some advice for boys who want to date girls: Ask girls out on dates.

We rarely say no to a first date when the asking is done properly.

And if you want to ask properly, you just have to follow a few simple rules.

First, use the telephone. Texts, email, gchat, etc. are all too informal and, honestly, a little wimpy. I suppose asking in person is fine, but this makes everyone a little anxious. The phone is better because it shows you were thinking of your girl even when she’s not around.

Second, use this simple formula:
A [I was wondering if you would like to]
B [ have dinner]
C [with me]
D [at Gemma]
E [on Tuesday night]?

Part A - You must pose the question in an interested and hopeful manner. Possible substitutions include [I was hoping you would like to] and [I would like it if you would].

Part B - The possibilities are endless. Just make sure that you have a destination and activity in mind. The activity should be something that both you and she will enjoy and should be conducive to conversation. First dates should rarely involve sitting in silence, so movies and theater are best saved for later dates when maybe she’ll let you hold her hand. Possible substitutions include [have drinks], [go out for coffee], [eat pie], [go on a picnic], [go for a walk], [go see an exhibit], [tango]. Never say [hang out], [do something], etc.

Part C - You must say it these words. This lets the girl know that this is a date. This is not a group activity, and she will be spending time with you alone There are no substitutions.

Part D - Having a specific plan is thoughtful, and it shows that you are serious about wanting to spend time with the girl. You should, however, be flexible. If, for example, you suggest going out for sushi, but the girl explains that she is allergic to rice, you may want to use a backup plan. Possible substitutions include [at Verlaine], [at Joe’s Coffee], [in Central Park].

Part E - Having a specific day in mind helps to ensure that you will make solid plans with the girl. If, for example, you ask to have dinner [next week some time], you run the risk of pushing the plan-making process to a later date. You should be flexible, but offering a specific day will give a starting point. Possible substitutions include [on the 3rd], [this weekend].

After the girl has, no doubt, said yes. You can work out details such as time and where you will meet.

When in doubt about what to say to a girl you want to date, pretend you are asking out a girl on a 1950’s television program. You will appear thoughtful and endearing. And it is ok to be nervous! That quiver in your voice is charming. Take pity points when you can get them.

Best of luck.



~beatrix